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November 25, 2007
The Rational Actor's Libertarian Fête
By Deborah Newell Tornello
aka litbrit
The Rational Actor's Libertarian Fête
Come now, the ever-bitterer winter wind
Reminding one and all what season nears,
And with it come the needs and wants of friends;
The plight--the suffering!--told of distant spheres.
Ah, what is there to do but shake one's head
And wonder at the choices people make?
They knew what they were doing. He made his bed.
Some people want to live life on the take.
I suffered; there were sacrifices made.
The roads I chose have led me to this place,
And all my efforts now will be repaid;
My just desserts spread forth before my face.
Let this be, then, the year we celebrate
At the Rational Actor's Libertarian Fête!
Come in, have drinks; we've everything to please--
Our own self-interest, you'll be glad to know,
Means cocktails that are light on antifreeze
And bread with just the faintest melamine glow.
We're reasonably sure the Champagne flute
Won't leach a cloud of lead into each bubble--
Or Christmas-colored plastic cups might suit?
No need to thank the Chinese for their trouble.
It's quite a spread, when all is said and done:
There's corn--and beans--with tortured DNA;
The Monkfish, I am told, will surely stun;
There's penicillin in the shrimp souffle.
It's doubtful that the roasted pig will kill you;
Though, even then, the hospital will bill you.
Come now, the ever-bitterer winter wind,
Reminding one and all that all are one;
And so the needs and wants of nearby friends,
And suffering humans under a distant sun,
Become our needs and wants--it's all-impacting.
Each dollar saved becomes a lead-laced train
That sickens those too young for Rational Acting.
Each weakened law begets a poisoned grain.
And so the guests of honor at their Fête
May find their appetites are somewhat numb;
They'll hope the howling coming from the gate
Is not The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come,
His corrupted chains of debt stretched through the air,
Borne by toxic winds of laissez-faire.
November 25, 2007 | Permalink
Comments
This is really fantastic.
Posted by: Daniel Munz | Nov 25, 2007 6:25:54 PM
Gorgeous.
The Christmas Carol always makes me cry. I see it every year.
Posted by: Ms. Clear | Nov 25, 2007 6:31:41 PM
Why is this so great? Libertarians aren't against health and safety regulations; instead, they think such services should be provided voluntarily and competitively through the private market. What's more, there are numerous examples of private health and safety regulation, and there's plenty of good reason to think that it is in the interests of private firms to provide these services.
So that said, I don't get it.
Posted by: Selfreferencing | Nov 25, 2007 7:32:22 PM
Libertarians conveniently forget that the reason the government started doing things like regulate the safety of workers and products is because it simply wasn't being done by the private sector.
Posted by: mad6798j | Nov 25, 2007 7:38:14 PM
Well done -- and in sonnet format. Bravo.
selfreferencing,
Wow. So utterly clueless and yet able to type real sentences.
Good for you.
I guess you've been asleep for the last several [fill in your choice here folks] (months)(years)(decades)(since 1929) (since 1892)(since the panic of 1837).
Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Nov 25, 2007 8:01:53 PM
to you, litbrit,
we raise our cups
with good cheer!!
litbrit, poetess laureate
of christmas present,
taking us by the hand,
across the yuletide bogs,
i mean, blogs.
will the Spirit alter
scrooge to be a kindlier man
and offer tim cratchit
a medical plan?
Posted by: jacqueline | Nov 25, 2007 8:05:27 PM
There's the slightest air of oh-shit-gotta-finish-with-a-moral at the end, but otherwise, charming. And that's with a full (not half-!) grin.
Posted by: Senescent | Nov 25, 2007 9:11:30 PM
Subtle.
Posted by: K. Larson | Nov 25, 2007 9:17:53 PM
Because subtle is all that matters -- screw accuracy, passion, cleverness, the bite of wit -- it's a sign of ill breeding to actually be bothered by events.
That's why no one remembers Dickens.
Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Nov 25, 2007 9:48:11 PM
Mad,
Libertarians have actually claimed that government regulation has rarely improved things and have squelched and crowded out market attempts at regulation.
Kleins[unmentionable],
We're not clueless; we just interpret history differently than you do. There's a difference. Be careful; your comment indicates that you're unaware of these alternative interpretations. Remember: the heterodox have usually thought long and hard about the orthodox position and have replies that the orthodox haven't yet heard or dismiss too quickly.
Posted by: Selfreferencing | Nov 25, 2007 10:19:28 PM
selfreferncing,
Or they are so jejune and lacking in life experience and historical knowledge that they don't realize that their pet theories have failed time and time again and that the government regulations they dismiss have arisen in the face of the continued failures of the market to regulate itself.
You're not a bold pioneer young glibertarian -- just silly.
Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Nov 25, 2007 10:41:18 PM
We're not clueless; we just interpret history differently than you do. There's a difference.
No, there isn't--not really.
Posted by: rea | Nov 26, 2007 10:54:29 AM
We're not clueless; we just interpret history differently than you do. There's a difference. Be careful; your comment indicates that you're unaware of these alternative interpretations. Remember: the heterodox have usually thought long and hard about the orthodox position and have replies that the orthodox haven't yet heard or dismiss too quickly.
Heterodoxy for its own sake isn't all that useful. Flat-earthers, Homeopathic medicine and Raelianism are all heterodox. Have the devotees of all these positions really "thought long and hard about the orthodox position and have replies that the orthodox haven't yet heard or dismiss too quickly?"
Posted by: Stephen | Nov 26, 2007 11:37:18 AM
The markets are perfect. Worship them libertarians!
http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/071126/britain_hsbc.html
Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Nov 26, 2007 11:37:38 AM
The great thing about progressivism is that you get to pay the pension and healthcare of the libertarian standing next to you who you can't stand, think is a jerk and wish was not alive. And you have to pretend to like it :)
Posted by: DCPI | Nov 26, 2007 1:50:28 PM
done -- and in sonnet format. Bravo.
Well see, I learned that was a sonnet.
Good for us and...
the Brava* holds.
So there.
[*I assume the female form here is in fact patriarchal...damn!]
Posted by: has_te | Nov 26, 2007 6:20:22 PM
So true DCPI - so true -- and then you have to listen to them tell you that you are only a progressive because you are a loser -- before they head back down to Mom's basement with a fresh Cheeto infusion.
Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Nov 26, 2007 9:03:14 PM
"Mad,
Libertarians have actually claimed that government regulation has rarely improved things and have squelched and crowded out market attempts at regulation."
Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that the past century has proved that idea to be completely wrong. Child labor, massive pollution of our rivers, and horrifically unsafe working conditions were all problems that "the market" refused to even acknowledge existed before the government stepped in.
Posted by: mad6798j | Nov 26, 2007 11:15:50 PM
has te, not patriarchal at all, just grammatically correct in the original Italian. Bravo the adjective or interjection means good; strong; skilled, and as such takes the same gender (and plurality) as that which it describes. If the gender of the person being described (or applauded) is male, or unknown, you'd say Bravo. If you know the noun to be female, Brava. To an all-male or mixed group, you'd say Bravi, and to an all-female group, Brave.
In English, Bravo is perfectly fine and accepted in all situations (English doesn't have gender-specific adjective endings, which I believe is less a function of patriarchy than just the wildly heterogenous origins of the language itself). Even so, you will hear a lot of Bravas lately--Brava, Senator!--a positive effect of the increased prevalence of Americans and Brits who also speak Latin-based languages like Spanish and Italian and enjoy the chance to honor the feminine gender.
Posted by: litbrit | Nov 27, 2007 9:44:14 AM
Oh yes, and thank you, all, for the kind words. :-)
Posted by: litbrit | Nov 27, 2007 9:46:09 AM
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