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July 06, 2007

Transformers!

Michael Bay deserves a Nobel Prize in...in...in...everything. The man is a genius. No! A bodhisattva, come to liberate us from the muck of thinking films with coherent plots. I've genuinely never had so much fun at a the movies. For hours after the film, I was approximately six years old, and even now I'm stuck somewhere around twelve. It's an odd picture to explain, as virtually all of its component parts are bad, but somehow, the whole thing coalesces into a really fantastic whole. And it's rather funny to watch Michael Bay -- speaking through Optimum Prime -- give a really qualified defense of the human species based on the idea that, one day, we could evolve into a worthy civilization.

To tide you over between reading this post and seeing the Citizen Kane of robot films, here's Megatron vs. Optimus Prime from the first Transformers movie:

July 6, 2007 | Permalink

Comments

Megatron forerver!

Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Jul 6, 2007 10:13:32 AM

as virtually all of its component parts are bad, but somehow, the whole thing coalesces into a really fantastic whole.

Yes. Prime 4 Prez.

Posted by: twig | Jul 6, 2007 10:20:52 AM

Ezra, what the hell are you talking about? The movie was horrible, and incredibly disorienting: I'm 23, and could not for the life of me differentiate the Autobots from the Decepticons in the big battle scene (probably because there's no characterization of any of them.)

The movie is also 2.5 hours of propaganda: for GM, for the Air Force, for Ebay (how much time do you think Optimus spends on Ebay per week, in the film? 10 hours?). It was just an atrocious, nonsensical movie.

Posted by: Sam | Jul 6, 2007 10:31:10 AM

How did they find a way to work in the "One shall stand!" line but not "You Got the Touch"? Could they not secure the rights or something?

Posted by: Dave | Jul 6, 2007 10:44:36 AM

Wow! I didn't realize "You Got the Touch" was an actual song!?! I thought it was just a joke for the Boogie Nights soundtrack.

Is "My Heat Will Rock You" in there, too?

Posted by: PapaJijo | Jul 6, 2007 10:50:33 AM

Further proof that Boogie Nights is the greatest movie ever made.

Posted by: PapaJijo | Jul 6, 2007 10:55:55 AM

boys and their toys, and boys WILL be boys.

Posted by: JimPortlandOR | Jul 6, 2007 11:03:41 AM

"Michael Bay -- speaking through Optimum Prime -- give a really qualified defense of the human species..."

Michael Bay didn't write the movie, so I wouldn't credit him with the dialogue. As it happens, one of the screenwriters of this movie is a great political blogger too -- John Rogers of KungFuMonkey.

Posted by: Tim | Jul 6, 2007 12:36:21 PM

i love it when "progressives" wax rhapsodic about military propaganda and endless corporate shilling.

did you bring your iphone to the theater too?

Posted by: christian | Jul 6, 2007 1:11:29 PM

No. As it turns out, my camouflage, "I love war" pants don't have pockets.

Posted by: Ezra | Jul 6, 2007 1:16:15 PM

military propaganda

I'm kind of intrigued by the bitching I've seen about this point, as the only thing I remember being really
'pro-military' were that the troops on the ground were just fairly normal, competent guys interested in, you know, destroying the giant killer robot trying to kill them.

The rest of the bureaucratic infrastructure was pretty much as useless as they are in all of these movies.

... and yeah ok I was annoyed they made him a Dodge. I mean, come on.

Posted by: twig | Jul 6, 2007 1:34:41 PM

People need to stop hating. This was a high octane summer popcorn flick with some very funny moments. Good times.

Posted by: Mike P | Jul 6, 2007 1:44:35 PM

Yes. Prime 4 Prez.

He's got no chance. I don't think the American people are ready to elect a jew.

Posted by: Seitz | Jul 6, 2007 2:09:58 PM

The reason for hating is that the movie could have been so much better. The first half was fantastic. But then the dialogue went way downhill, the plot fell a part and they started making Voight do every scene in one take.

And they missed so many opportunities. The original series began with the Deceptacons stealing energy from various power plants, killing people and causing ecological disasters in the process. Imagine how relevant and awesome it would have been to see the Deceptacons going after nuclear power plants- or Iraqi oil.

And why the fuck are we ok with Hollywood plunding popular culture and stuffing it full of namebrand products to make a cheap buck. When corporations leach off culture we should be pissed.

Posted by: Jack | Jul 6, 2007 2:12:06 PM

Oh, and one more thing missing: The theme song!

Posted by: Jack | Jul 6, 2007 2:34:28 PM

150 million bucks for a film that actually includes such cutting edge lines like "my bad" and "bring it"!

and bay's work is filled with jingoism. go watch PEARL HARBOR; ARMMAGEDDON; THE ROCK; BAD BOYS 2...

better still, don't. save yourself an add headache...

Posted by: christian | Jul 6, 2007 2:43:50 PM

and bay's work is filled with jingoism. go watch PEARL HARBOR; ARMMAGEDDON; THE ROCK; BAD BOYS 2...

Uhm. Yeah but we're not talking about the collective body of Bay's work (I can't believe I got that out without cranial bleeding).

Also, better 150 million on this than Evan Almighty. At least I got to see something blow up. Hell, they relocated the plot to a major city just to have more buildings to throw things through.

Posted by: twig | Jul 6, 2007 3:02:44 PM

No Soundwave? Well then forget it.

Posted by: mc_masterchef | Jul 6, 2007 10:13:16 PM

i couldn't agree more man, this is the first explosions movie i've liked in ages. it totally made up for pearl harbour. it was so crummy on so many levels but still engaging. the subtext was so obvious, yet entirely irrelevant. i even liked the cheesy pro-military parts. the fact it was the original optimus prime voice was the icing man

Posted by: masqn | Jul 8, 2007 11:37:29 AM

Where's the virtue in being an anti-US military American.

All Americans should celebrate our unrivaled capabilities. Controversy should appear only with intent.

Posted by: nobody | Jul 13, 2007 1:03:30 PM

The movie was a big Air Force propaganda and a mega GM commercial. However, they fulfilled every American man's fantasy:WATCHING GIANT ROBOTS BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER!!!

Posted by: Lee | Aug 22, 2007 4:48:11 AM

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