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March 24, 2007
My Hero
This is a 2003 picture from New Hampshire, from a slideshow in the New York Times. The wedding picture is great too.
Since Thursday I've come to regard Elizabeth Edwards almost as someone out of myth. At the news conference she seemed completely unflappable, so focused on the work ahead of her in the next several months that medical news raising the possibility of a terrible and untimely death was nothing at all. It's a deeply fortunate fact about contemporary American politics that people who want to help others generally don't have to stare death in the face. But now it happens, and both Elizabeth's unflinching courage and the immense stakes for millions of people across the world make her decisions look nothing less than superhuman.
Everything I've seen and heard about the campaign suggests that her role in guiding John's thinking is huge, far beyond that of any usual candidate's wife. (A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to talk to an old law school classmate of theirs. Apparently a lot of people around them saw her as the most likely future president in their class.) In fact, if you asked me who the great Democratic strategist is in the Edwards organization, our champion to go head-to-head with Karl Rove -- Elizabeth Edwards is the first name I'd come up with.
That's what Jay Carney doesn't understand. John Edwards isn't making a choice between politics and his family -- as Ezra said, I don't think Elizabeth would let him leave the race. She knows how important this campaign is for the good of the country and the world, and she's not going to let anything personal, no matter how terrible, get in the way. (There's also the fact that his dropping out might not even be good for her -- if this article is right, people who are living with cancer are well advised to keep living active and engaged lives for as long as they can.)
In my own life, I've been very fortunate. Unlike many of the people whose moving comments on this situation I've seen, no one close to me has faced anything like what Elizabeth is facing now. And that makes me think that my pure awe is in some ways a shallow response, arising from an inability to fully grasp the horrible reality of cancer. I should be sadder -- many years of an amazing person's life will be ripped away. But the extent to which I'm awestruck overwhelms everything.
March 24, 2007 | Permalink
Comments
I think, Neil, that you're right - Elizabeth Edwards is a remakrable woman, but also probably more human size than you're making out here. I think if you look at First Ladies across history, you will find a considerable number of remarkable women, many of whom are said, or were said, to be deeply influential in their husband's thinking, women who were clearly capable of many great things on their own, even the Presidency (if nothing else, look at the cult of Jackie Kennedy; but consider too that we've got Hillary Clinton in that group, as well as a number of others... say, Edith Galt Wilson).
As I said yesterday or the day beofre, I think it's awfully early to know how this plays out, and I think given where things stand now, the decision to stay in the race is probably the only one that makes sense all the way around. And yes, Carney's thoughts betray a false dichotomy, but I was struck that they also reveal that he's been somewhat untouched by this. And I think that is the divide - as you mention - between understanding why they are doing this, why she essentially has to keep doing this, and why it may seem heroic to someone outside of it, but mostly it's very human and very necessary.
If nothing else, Elizabeth Edwards will probably be a major public figure for helping to further demystify cancer and how we deal with serious illness, which probably can only help our healthcare debate, and our American way of hiding from illness and death and trying to push them aside. It's not about being sadder necessarily, it's about bringing some realism to understanding what cancer is, and how we live with long term, treatable, but incurable illness. It may even help educate folks like Carney (I keep wondering, where were these people the day before the announcement? The Edwardses have "had small children" during this whole campaign. Why are they - and their childcare - suddenly such a concern?), but I suspect some will cling to their traditional ways. I admire Mrs. Edwards, too... because I think I think what she's doing isn't so much heroic as human, and we all could, if we had to.
Posted by: weboy | Mar 24, 2007 7:28:41 AM
I believe Elizabeth wants to go on with the campaign because as everyone knows who faces the difficult, the best thing is to live life, stay busy and not sit at home becoming depressed.
I believe the reason Elizabeth is much more involved and influential with John Edwards is because they are extreemly close. Bestest friends.
Though I am not a supporter of John Edwards I have always like Both John and Elizabeth. They seem like great people and really down to earth and caring.
Posted by: vwcat | Mar 24, 2007 9:20:37 AM
Did you read Jane's angry retort to people who think this should mean the end of the campaign? It was great. I don't know what it is about cancer, but Jane was of the opinion---and I agree with her---that people want those with cancer to drop out of public life for our sake rather than for their own. We condemn them to death in our eyes long before real death gets them. We should be ashamed.
So what if cancer is terminal? Life is terminal. We all go ahead with our lives knowing full well they could end tomorrow or soon. Why someone with cancer should be any different, I dunno.
Posted by: Amanda Marcotte | Mar 24, 2007 10:37:32 AM
I dig the wedding pic.
-----
Politically, this is immensely difficult to handicap. Carney's analysis makes a certain amount of sense. But so does the analysis that this will actually help for various reasons.
At the end of the day, I think the Edwards family is an incredible electoral asset. And so anything that foregrounds the family will end up being a plus at the ballot box.
Posted by: Petey | Mar 24, 2007 11:17:10 AM
I admire Mrs. Edwards, too... because I think I think what she's doing isn't so much heroic as human, and we all could, if we had to.
Life is terminal.
I understand both of these sentiments, and I think they're right. I can't say with any confidence, though, that I'd be in position to accept them and totally live them out the day after getting the devastating medical news that Elizabeth got. That she can, in combination with the epic scale of the project she's involved in, is what amazes me.
Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Mar 24, 2007 11:57:59 AM
Yeah, Amanda, I particularly liked the Jane Hamsher post slamming Carney. (The white-male-centric analysis was among the absurd things in the Carney post and I'm glad to see someone call him on that.)
Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Mar 24, 2007 12:08:40 PM
Thanks for including the link, Neil. It IS a great post.
I fear that this is no good for the campaign precisely because of what Jane and Amanda say - people will see in Elizabeth their own fear of sickness and death, and be unable to watch. I would love to be wrong about this, however.
Posted by: cerebrocrat | Mar 24, 2007 12:24:22 PM
My reactions are sort of related to weboy's. I knew a woman who had a chronic fatal disease that she did her best to fight and live with, and she hated to be called courageous, thought it really missed the point and looked past her to an ideal she wasn't and didn't aspire to be. So much of heroism is just doing whatever you have to in the situation you're in, and mostly it goes unnoticed, even by the hero. We can see the Edwards' situation as heroic or as mundane--we're all terminal, as Amanda says, and most of chronic illness is mundane and doesn't feel even a little heroic to the sick. But the disease and treatment do make unusual demands that can draw the heroic into more clear view than usual. It's good to notice heroism where we can, while trying not to look past the real human. Like the real human in the great photo Neil picked out.
We should be ashamed.
Maybe I haven't looked in the right places, but it seems to me the response to the Edwards' decision has been very positive and supportive on the whole, and the few that question it generally appear to have Elizabeth's own good at heart, along with a few who wonder about John's being distracted, a reasonable concern under the circumstances. I think we have far more good than bad to recognize in ourselves in our reactions to this.
Posted by: Sanpete | Mar 24, 2007 1:56:30 PM
Seriously, I love that wedding picture. It's even better than the Johnny in his high school football uniform picture.
And I thought it was pretty cool that they decided to have the cancer press conference in the same spot as their wedding reception. I thought that said something important.
Posted by: Petey | Mar 24, 2007 2:49:27 PM
weboy.....
i just want to preface this response to you, by saying i am speaking only personally. i am not making any statements on how others deal with their situation.
we can hold opinions for ourselves, but never "understand" what another person is thinking or feeling in their uniqueness.
.......in your comment, about their having small children, and why should that become an issue at this point in the campaign?
....once again, i can only speak for myself.
being a mother of three children, if i was given that prognosis, suddenly....there would be so many things i would want to share with my children.
i would want to be cuddled with them in bed, reading chapters of books...words i wanted to share...i would want to smell magnolias with them and watch the forsythia bloom and sit in the park and eat ice cream cones. mostly, i would not want to miss one moment of their laughter or their tears, or helping them to get ready for school in the morning. i would want to memorize the smile on their faces for eternity, and fall asleep next to them.
and i would want to wake up at night next to my husband with my children there also...and remember that night forever.
....i had an aunt that i visited in sloan kettering.
also, developed cancer after her son was killed in a car accident...and i rememember being at her bedside.
she was sipping a cup of tomato juice.
and she said, "i never really paid attention to what tomato juice tasted like before."
she closed her eyes, and took a very long sip.
i never forgot that moment.
.....i would imagine that for me there would be so many of those moments...and if i had the energy and the strength, there would be places and things that i would want to show and share with my children...building a sandcastle and watching them jump up and down in the foam...help them with their homework over a piece of pizza, have ice cream for breakfast...and have time at the end of the day, to look at photo albums and dream my dreams and memorize as much as i could for eternity.
...but mostly, i wouldnt want to miss putting my children to bed for one night, or seeing their faces in the morning...smelling lilacs and lying down in the grass with my eyes closed, with my children's and husband's head in my skirts.
...and i would touch their hair and cheeks with my eyes closed, and hope they would always feel that touch imprinted forever on their skin.
i would not want to miss that...there would be so much that i needed to see, share, watch, express.
.....i speak for no-one but myself. i am only sharing thoughts that touch me as a woman and as a mother. when i reflect on all of this.
.....whatever choices a person makes, we hope that everyone will find strength, courage and love on the journey, and that their lives may be a blessing to others, whether their world is large or small.
Posted by: jacqueline | Mar 24, 2007 2:54:29 PM
I actually had the wedding picture up at the top for most of the time I was writing the post, but I switched at the last minute because I felt that it didn't match the content that well. One of the points of the post here is that Elizabeth isn't just a typical candidate's wife -- she's perhaps the top strategist, and the NH debate picture conveys that nicely.
Don't worry though Petey... I'm sure you'll see me use the wedding pic at some point in the future. I'm hoping I get to bring it out during the general election. (I think my favorite Edwards photo is still probably this one, though.)
Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Mar 24, 2007 3:02:11 PM
Is Edwards rockin' some type of modified mullet in that wedding picture? I knew underneath that trial lawyer exterior there was an inner damn, dirty liberal hippy.
Posted by: Melrose | Mar 24, 2007 3:35:05 PM
A whole thread of good thoughts.
It's really nice.
P.S. Snide aside...Coke's gotta be happy.
Posted by: has_te | Mar 24, 2007 3:37:05 PM
I still say Neil has a mancrush on John Edwards.
Posted by: Captain Toke | Mar 24, 2007 11:18:32 PM
Yeah I'd like to see Neil or someone else come up with a reason why John Edwards is the greatest thing since sliced bread rather than just fawning over him.
I mean, I like Edwards and he's not a bad guy but really...what is it with the adulation?
Posted by: Matt S | Mar 25, 2007 12:23:55 AM
Neil gives a new reason almost every week, doesn't he?
Toke, you're really missing the point in a big way.
Posted by: Sanpete | Mar 25, 2007 1:30:08 AM
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Posted by: judy | Sep 27, 2007 3:23:09 AM
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