Cooking With Criticism

I don't think this article is about what The New York Times thinks it is:

Yolanda Edwards was at a friend’s house in Brooklyn for dinner when the hostess asked her to pull out a pot for boiling pasta. Ms. Edwards froze. As her friend looked at her in disbelief, she said she was not up to the job.

“I used to think I was a good cook,” said Ms. Edwards, an editor at the parenting magazine Cookie. “But my husband’s a kitchen bully. He’s so critical, I second-guess myself now.”

The New York Times appears to believe they've written a sassy little piece about "alpha cooks" in marriages. But it's pretty clear they've actually uncovered a spate of deeply abusive relationships. When your criticism has so affected your wife that she falls into a comatose state of learned helplessness if asked to boil some water, that's not kitchen bossiness, it's emotional abuse. And look how much fun they seem to be having:

"Kill me now," says Yolanda Edwards.

It gets better:

“I have no problem admitting that I’m an alpha,” said her husband, Matthew Hranek, a photographer. “Yolanda wouldn’t know a corked bottle of wine if you put it in front of her. When we met, she had four days’ worth of dishes in her sink, most of which had what looked like black bean on them. Ever since then, I’ve cooked for her.”

My, what a charmer. My wife is a moron who can't take care of herself, and I have no problem admitting it in a nationally-read newspaper. That better be some risotto justifying this jerk. Elsewhere:

Ms. Henry relayed [her husband's criticisms] — along with her feeling that she is expected to greet any meal he might make on an average weeknight with the equivalent of a marching band reception — with affection.

“It’s part of his charm,” she said. Like many betas, she seems to have made peace with her lower status. The only time bitterness crept into her voice was when she talked about the tasks her fiancé assigns her when she plays sous-chef.

“He’s like, ‘Great, yes, come cook with me.’ And then he gives me the take-the-chicken-out-of-the-package-and-rinse-it job,” she said.

That is charming! Meanwhile, the article's one bright spot comes here:

Suzanne Goin, the chef and owner of A.O.C. and Lucques in Los Angeles, is married to David Lentz, the chef and owner of the Hungry Cat in Hollywood. They are both alpha cooks, she said, but that has only been an issue on their nights off.

“In a professional kitchen you don’t really get your feelings hurt,” Ms. Goin said. “It’s a little different at home though. If David says, ‘Do you think this is a little salty?’ about something I made, I’ll be like: ‘No. Do you think it’s too salty? Maybe your palate’s off.’ ”

That's an awesome riposte. Don't like my food? There's something wrong with your mouth.

Update: And oh man. Look at this comment.