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September 02, 2005

You're Funnier Than He Is

The thread below, collecting historical analogues to Bush's wildly inappropriate remarks today, has gotten some hilarious stuff. I'll be promoting the best ones through the day, so keep participating down there. For now, here are four. First, remember: this is what Bush said:

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. (Laughter.)

Haha! Okay, so I asked you guys to put Bush in another time and place and see what happened. Lots of good ones in the thread, here are a few:

Joseph: The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Chicago, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Mrs. O'Leary's barn -- she's lost her entire barn -- there's going to be a fantastic barn. And I'm looking forward to setting the lantern down by her cow. (Laughter.)

MMY: The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this crucifixtion there's going to come a fantastic new savior, like he was before. Out of the rubble of Jesus's old body -- he's lost a lot of weight -- there's going to be a fantastic new Lord to lead us all into the Promised Land. And I'm looking forward to His helping me quit drinking so I can get there.

Sprocket: "The good news is - and it is hard for Yoko to see this now - is that we are gonna see a fantastic new Beatles just like they used to be. Out of this tragedy and senseless murder we'll see them rebuild. Maybe they can get Eddie Rabbit, or that funny praying mantis lookin' fella, who's he from? Yeah! The Cars! Love them Cars. Anyway, before you know it I'll be gettin' high as hell to a whole brand new White Album just like I was back in the old days."

Scott Shields: The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this misguided war is going to come a new Iraq, like it was before, only with Sharia. Out of the rubble of this Iraqi neighborhood -- this whole neighborhood was destroyed -- there's going to be a fantastic American military base. And I'm looking forward to bringing democracy to other nations from that base. (Laughter.)

More to come later. In the meantime, keep participating in the thread. I notice no one's used San Francisco's Great Quake from 1906...

September 2, 2005 | Permalink

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Comments

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of losing control of the Supreme Court is going to come a new fantastic Supreme Court, like it was before the fifties. Out of the losses of the gay marriage issue -- they've lost his entire issue -- there's going to be a fantastic marriage constitutional amendment. And I'm looking forward to seeing conservatism flourish. (Laughter.)

Posted by: Fred Jones | Sep 2, 2005 6:42:21 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that Condi has got herself some fantastic new shoes, like she never had before. Out of the rubbles of Colin Powell's career -- he's lost his entire credibility -- she's going to have a fantastic collection, just like that Imelda chick. And I'm looking forward to polishing them with my tongue. (Laughter.)

Posted by: shouting at the rain | Sep 2, 2005 7:11:51 PM

Hehehe....tha's pretty funny.

Here's the alternative to the President's message of hope:

My dear fellow Americans. The worst national disaster in the memory of this nation has happened. A disaster area of about 96 thousand square miles stretching from west of New Orleans to Florida and at least a 150 miles inland is utter devistation. Tens of millions of people need assistance desperately...immediately. they need security, food and water, medical assistance, gasoline (even when the refineries are destroyed) and transportation.
Since it is impossible for the government to mobilize to reach everyone within a week......why don't you just give up?

Think that would have been a better speech to give to the nation in this time of crisis?

Posted by: Fred Jones | Sep 2, 2005 7:28:01 PM

You guys think this is funny. Bush sent a message to Louisiana about how much reconstruction and humanitarian aid they were gonna get by joking about Trent Lott's new house.

Where is the money gonna go? Hint:In the world of Karl Rove, what does it mean when Republican Senator Vitter of Louisiana gives the administration an 'F'?

Real funny. Bush is kaughing his ass off.

Posted by: bob mcmanus | Sep 2, 2005 8:18:24 PM

You can come out, Fred. Even Stevie Wonder can see you're gay now.

Posted by: The Closet | Sep 3, 2005 12:39:47 AM

In the world of Karl Rove, what does it mean when Republican Senator Vitter of Louisiana gives the administration an 'F'?

It means that a republican senator is going to wake up with a horse's head lying next to him tomorrow morning.

Posted by: Constantine | Sep 3, 2005 3:34:45 AM

Bush says, "I've got some good news and some bad news."

"The bad news is, my administration is a total failure, and everybody is going to have to eat horseshit."

"The good news is, there's plenty to go around."

Posted by: ratprick | Sep 3, 2005 3:46:38 AM

The good news is - and it's hard for some to see it now - is that this climate change is going to be fantastic for we dinosaurs. Sure there's a little bit of comet damage - and nobody *I* know really cares about the Yucatan peninsula anyhow [laughter] - but these clouds can't help but provide rain which will encourage plant growth - and I see the herbivores cheering over there - and also give us carnivores a bit of cooling for those hot days when we need to go chasing. All in all, that asteroid strike was the best thing that could happen for us.

Um, can someone call maintenance? These hairy mutants seem to be getting out of hand.

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