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August 25, 2005
Fulfilling My Google-Given Doodies
I just got a hit from a Google search of the term "What does it mean when you pee and it hurts?"
Turns out I'm the first result.
Huh.
Well, with great power comes great responsibility, so I feel I should offer some counsel to those here on urine-related grounds. The question of what an aching, stabbing, or otherwise excruciating sensation during urination means has long plagued mankind. From Socrates to Kant, Dante to Roth, our greatest thinkers have cogitated and puzzled, wondered and fretted over the psychospiritual import of burning bladders. Everything from bad humours to an excess of bile to demons have been blamed so, I'm glad to report that in this century we have finally reached consensus.
What does it mean if it hurts to pee?
Nothing good. Go see a doctor.
And wear a condom, for chrissake.
August 25, 2005 | Permalink
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Comments
Seems like wearing a condom would just make peeing hurt worse.
Posted by: Realish | Aug 25, 2005 12:36:46 AM
Seems like wearing a condom would just make peeing hurt worse.
Posted by: Realish | Aug 25, 2005 12:37:49 AM
Seems like accidentally leaving that comment twice would make it less funny.
Posted by: Realish | Aug 25, 2005 12:38:22 AM
The SECOND hit is actually of some interest. It's a religious right site with misinformation about teenage sexuality.
Posted by: Morgan | Aug 25, 2005 12:39:11 AM
Realish: yeah, but it'd take your mind off the internal burning...
Posted by: Ezra Klein | Aug 25, 2005 12:45:53 AM
All together now:
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Take it away, blogosphere!
Posted by: Thad | Aug 25, 2005 12:49:03 AM
An infectious disease specialist once told me a story of a patient who had contracted chlamydia in the past. Unsurprisingly, this was a very jarring experience for the patient, and it led him to be constantly paranoid that each new sexual partner he became involved with was placing him at risk of giving him another disease (of course, this is true -- each new sexual partner you do have does place you at risk -- but that's another matter). So, the inevitable happened, and it began to burn when he urinated, and he immediately went to the doctors about his condition. The doctors ran all sorts of tests and could not find anything. No white blood cells in the urine. No bacteria. All the blood tests came up negative. Nothing.
After interrogating the patient about his diet and habits, the patient admitted that he had, in a fit of paranoia regarding urinary tract health, begun to take "cranberry extract" supplements in the hopes that this would stave off any new infections. In fact, what the cranberry extract supplements did was increase the acidity of his urine, causing a painful burning sensation.
Posted by: JustMe | Aug 25, 2005 1:47:06 AM
I just knew if I kept blog reading on politics I would come upon the universal solvent for all problems: wear a condom.
Posted by: JimPortlandOR | Aug 25, 2005 3:52:46 AM
Greatest. Blog post. Ever.
Posted by: August J. Pollak | Aug 25, 2005 8:59:31 AM
Urine trouble now!
Posted by: Matt | Aug 25, 2005 11:28:50 AM
Huh huh. "Doodie." Huh.
Posted by: DonBoy | Aug 25, 2005 1:20:46 PM
I wish Ezra would explain (in detail) just why he entered the google search phrase. It keeps popping into my mind that it is sooo unlikely to just type that phrase seeking something.
Please, Ezra, tell more.
Posted by: JimPortlandOR | Aug 25, 2005 2:06:48 PM
Jimmy has hit the point that has been bothering us all.
Posted by: Fred Jones | Aug 25, 2005 2:08:40 PM
I see search referrals on sitemeter. I didn't type it in. As an authority on burning piss, I have accurately prevented it in myself thus far..
Posted by: Ezra Klein | Aug 25, 2005 6:58:15 PM
I'm surprised your former home doesn't get referrals from that search, given Jesse's brilliant idea for a "why does it burn when I pee?" campaign.
Posted by: Tom Hilton | Aug 25, 2005 7:42:35 PM
It hurts after I pee. What could this mean? And this has NEVER happened before,until 2 days after my period ended. So whats wrong with me? And is it true that if u have sex the day after u ended ur period its easier to get pregnant?
Posted by: Genie | Jan 19, 2006 4:53:33 PM
It hurts after I pee. What could this mean? And this has NEVER happened before,until 2 days after my period ended. So whats wrong with me? And is it true that if u have sex the day after u ended ur period its easier to get pregnant?
Posted by: Genie | Jan 19, 2006 4:54:06 PM
i had sex with 2 different girls i didnt use condoms now its been 2 weeks and everytime i pee i feel like a burning sensation not all the time some times when a ipee but very frequently please some help/
Posted by: chris | Feb 2, 2006 3:32:28 AM
HELP pls something stupid but painful hapend to me i was taking a bath and some shampoo entered my penis and now i REEEALY hurts when i pee WHAT TO DO PLS HELP
Posted by: Lucian | Apr 1, 2006 4:51:43 AM
haha, ever tried jerking off in the shower?? same prob with the shampoo buddy, don't worry it'll go away unlike an std
Posted by: nads | Jun 1, 2006 9:54:57 PM
why would i disguss any of my concerns with you idiots who dont know squat!? You all are friggen retards who need to suck on a dick you peices of shit mother fuckers! fucking fags! Get a fuckin life, read a book or somethin before y'all decide to reply with your 'on-crack' comments! fuckin losers!
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Posted by: muff | Jun 12, 2007 4:29:17 AM
same happened to me and my dick is shrinking and i cant pee at all because it hurts to much
Posted by: Bob | Nov 18, 2007 7:56:14 PM
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