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January 26, 2005



Private accounts.

Personal accounts clearly have but a few days left before some forgetful pundits start getting Guantanamo'd for the term. And yes, we could just watch successive labels fall like manna from the lips of Luntz, but here at EK Inc., we like to stay ahead of the curve. So what's the next, next, next name for this kick in the New Deal's gut gonna be? Best answer gets a mention, and the transcendent joy that comes from seeing your label appear in my posts. Get crackin'.

Update: Matt's got a great idea...

January 26, 2005 in Social Security | Permalink


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Near-death experiences.

Posted by: Chris Rasmussen | Jan 26, 2005 1:38:02 PM

investment accounts.

That was easy

Posted by: TH | Jan 26, 2005 1:46:23 PM

retirement accounts

Posted by: pat | Jan 26, 2005 1:49:49 PM

I think they'll finally settle on roads-to-riches accounts.

Posted by: mario | Jan 26, 2005 1:55:26 PM

Family Security Investments

Because, y'know, Social Security is kinda socialist, and Bush is the Heroic Defender of All Things Familial, and family=capitalism. And they're investments, because investments are things that pay off*, not things that funnel your payroll taxes into the financial services industry.

Family! Fuck yeah!

* Offer not valid if God decides not to reward you in this life. Your own damn fault.

Posted by: Michael | Jan 26, 2005 1:57:49 PM

"Squirrel savings"

After all, who doesn't like squirrels?

Ok, perhaps it lacks gravitas - but when has that ever stopped this administration?

Posted by: m.croche | Jan 26, 2005 1:59:57 PM

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before someone trots out "Freedom Accounts," isn't it?

Posted by: Matt | Jan 26, 2005 2:00:27 PM

I'm with Matt Y:

Forced savings accounts.

Apparently the GOP doesn't trust the American people to dispose of their own money as they best see fit. They're all about the nanny state.

Posted by: 16 | Jan 26, 2005 2:01:07 PM

Love Money -- because who doesn't like love and money?

Posted by: Dr Pretorius | Jan 26, 2005 2:06:24 PM

"Personality Counts," 'cause if you don't have a plan then you have to sell that dog using charm alone.

Posted by: Diane | Jan 26, 2005 2:12:31 PM

C'mon, people. Let's think outside the box here.

We've already proposed a "solution"--private accounts--that has nothing whatsoever to do with the actual problem we're facing.

Happy Freedom Accounts

God and Country Accounts

Defense of Traditional Marriage Accounts

Hard Work Accounts

Want Some Wood? Accounts

Can't Get Fooled Again Accounts

Posted by: Quaker in a Basement | Jan 26, 2005 2:16:46 PM

Patriot Accounts

Posted by: Royko | Jan 26, 2005 2:18:21 PM

What about Ponce De Leon accounts?

Posted by: Chris Rasmussen | Jan 26, 2005 2:18:46 PM

"Happy Accounts", then "Look At The Monkey!".

Posted by: tb | Jan 26, 2005 2:33:00 PM

"Support our Brokerage Firms" Accounts

Bonus - making a cash-green magnetic ribbon (with the quoted section as text) to place on our SUVs, and still be able to remove them without any pesky glue to stick to the paintjob!

Posted by: verplanck colvin | Jan 26, 2005 2:34:24 PM

Matt beat me to "Freedom Accounts."

Posted by: scarshapedstar | Jan 26, 2005 2:34:25 PM

Faith-in-America Accounts.

(privately referred to in the White House as "Sucker Accounts)

Posted by: Scooter | Jan 26, 2005 2:41:04 PM

hmmm...how about Rolling-the-Dice accounts? Insecurity Accounts?
I-got-mine-good-luck-with-yours accounts?

Posted by: Bruce K | Jan 26, 2005 2:45:57 PM

Kitties! Everyone "feeds the kitty" with payroll taxes. And who doesn't like kitties? Or Bunnies, for that matter.

Posted by: bunny | Jan 26, 2005 2:46:22 PM

Lottery Tickets -- same princple.

Hush Money

Posted by: ABL | Jan 26, 2005 2:49:27 PM

I agree that Freedom Acccounts is the next logical step.

Posted by: Geoduck | Jan 26, 2005 3:01:08 PM

They won't be accounts any more -- it'll be your Ownership Pension.

Posted by: LizardBreath | Jan 26, 2005 3:04:43 PM

Royko and Beat Bush Blog sound dead on to me: Patriot Accounts.

Posted by: PSoTD | Jan 26, 2005 3:38:38 PM

Jesus Savings

also, for some reason comments on the site have been rejected a few times and it never remembers my personal info, which is a little annoying

Posted by: slapshot57 | Jan 26, 2005 3:49:30 PM

Homeland savings

Posted by: Stoffel | Jan 26, 2005 3:55:47 PM

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