Ezra Klein: Brooks Non-Bashing

« The Surge's Untrustworthy Numbers | Main | How Do We Fix Inequality? »

August 31, 2007

Brooks Non-Bashing

I think it was Abraham Joshua Heschel — after he broke off with Reinhold Niebuhr and formed Jefferson Airplane — who observed that though the ancients counseled, “Know Thyself,” in 87 percent of actual cases, profound self-knowledge is not transforming. It’s just disappointing.

And this is never more true than when the beach self takes over. There is a boardwalk game near where we vacation where you roll balls into holes to try to get your mechanical horse across a track faster than your 11 opponents. You pay a dollar a game and if you win you get a stuffed horse worth 75 cents. My beach self has played that game for 15 years, and I have never once gotten up without secretly wishing I was playing again.

In my heart, I’d be happy to play that game 11 hours a day at the cost of several thousand dollars, and the only thing preventing me is that the Slovakian girl behind the counter might conclude that American men are pathetic.

Though this is definitely a difference -- at least in my experience -- between East Coast "shores" and West Coast beaches. Very few beaches in California have boardwalks, or ski-ball, or stores that sell shirts like this one:

You go to the beach to...sit on the beach. Or possibly surf. That's the activity. The beach isn't cover for a whole lot of other activities that are generally considered gauche, but suddenly --and thankfully -- become acceptable when your shorts have internal netting.

August 31, 2007 | Permalink

Comments

Swing by Venice Beach next time you're in SoCal, Ezra...

Posted by: Petey | Aug 31, 2007 10:26:13 AM

Skee-ball.

Posted by: John | Aug 31, 2007 10:33:57 AM

I've never been a beach person, mainly because my skin is very fair and I burn easily. And why bake in the sun when God invented air conditioning?

Growing up, every family vacation was a trip "down the shaw" (as we say in Jersey). And while I disliked the beach, the boardwalk was my salvation. The boardwalks at Wildwood and Asbury Park and the like amusements on Long Beach Island are undeniably cheesy, but their allure is powerful. Ski-ball, pinball, the bumper cars, even the "claw" machines (i.e., the "one-armed bandits"), plus many other ultra-retro diversions -- I loved them all. Ah, memories!

Posted by: Kathy G. | Aug 31, 2007 10:39:45 AM

I don't get the Jefferson Airplane joke.

And what John said. "Skee-ball," gosh darnit.

Posted by: Elvis Elvisberg | Aug 31, 2007 10:51:44 AM

I rule at skee-ball.

Posted by: Adrock | Aug 31, 2007 11:09:34 AM

The Jefferson Airplane reference sounds like a pathetic attempt at witty "hipness" that's fourty years out of date.

Posted by: WB Reeves | Aug 31, 2007 11:29:40 AM

Ad-rock,

Only one can rule at skee-ball and I am the king.

Really, take skee-ball, throw in some bumper cars and a little of that horse racing action that Brooks likes, add in some fried dough (a cardiac delight) and you've got a culturally and nutritionally complete vacation.

Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Aug 31, 2007 11:33:04 AM

Must have that shirt. My daughter and I love the horse race game she is 10, I have no excuse and I play it the White Flint Shopping center

Posted by: Robert Waldmann | Aug 31, 2007 12:03:02 PM

Yeah, I'm so cool and funny because I dig funnel cake. Ha! Funnel cake! Get it? Scrapple! Spam! Ha! Lutefisk! Matzoh balls! Haggis! Ha ha!

I didn't think this column was funny, I think bragging about how much you like to play stupid games that are targeted at people below your income class because you think it makes you seem authentic is completely retarded and is certainly the worst development in post-Letterman American culture, and I really hate the way Brooks tosses in Heschel as an "insert funny name of some intellectual I'm supposed to have read who would seem incongruous in a column about funnel cakes at the beach" joke.

You also neglected to include the parts about the "mountain vacation", which were just unreadable. Someone who assumes that all men secretly long to wear chaps and pretend to be cowboys is really revealing something pretty embarrassing about himself.

Posted by: brooksfoe | Aug 31, 2007 12:22:57 PM

Swing by Venice Beach next time you're in SoCal, Ezra...

I thought of that too. That's an exception, though, and once you get north of Santa Barbara (which, let's face it, is where you want to be in California anyway) most of the coast is pretty undeveloped.

Posted by: Tom Hilton | Aug 31, 2007 12:28:28 PM

Ah, SKEE-ball. I rock at that game.
I was never a beach lover either (I'm with Kathy), but when summer came when I was a kid it was to Long Island and my aunt's house. Every day that was nice enough, we went to the beach. (She used to get mad if we were inside and it wasn't raining. Not easy for a kid who preferred reading to kick-the-can.)

Howevah, the beach there had a lagoon which was much more fun than the actual Sound, and mmmmm.....Italian Ices from the snack stand.

Posted by: ajw_93 | Aug 31, 2007 12:33:02 PM

For someone who went to Rio and sat around blogging and reading books about policy, you've got no room to talk about what someone should or shouldn't do when they somewhere.

Posted by: ostap | Aug 31, 2007 12:49:11 PM

Sitting on the beach has its place, but the ocean is dangerous and cold at night, while skee-ball and racy t-shirts that tell you the ways in which different kinds of people "do it" are awesome.

This passage only increases my enthusiasm to hit the boardwalk at Ocean City MD, the trashiest of trashy boardwalks, this weekend.

Posted by: SDM | Aug 31, 2007 12:50:50 PM

The difference is that West Coast beaches are better for actual aquatic activity, right? It's warmer and there's more sand. The warmer beaches of the Southeast -- Florida and the Carolina coastline, for example -- are quite different from the Jersey shore scene you're describing.

Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Aug 31, 2007 1:28:03 PM

Neil,

One of the great shocks of my life, having grown up on the ocean about 20 miles north of Boston, was that West Coast beaches are just as cold as New England. The Pacific in that part of the world has a pretty cold current. So San Diego's ocean temperature was not that much better than what I was accustomed to as a kid and certainly no warmer than New Jersey. North and South Caroline would be appreciably warmer.

Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Aug 31, 2007 1:32:10 PM

Neil,

Myrtle Beach.

Posted by: Stephen | Aug 31, 2007 1:43:31 PM

Some will remember Alanis Morissette's star turn as God in Kevin Smith's Dogma (1999). God comes to earth regularly in human form, mostly so she can play skee-ball.

Posted by: Sangfroid826 | Aug 31, 2007 1:57:36 PM

boardwalks are wonderful places!
bradley beach to asbury park, in particular....
the penny arcades with pokerino...those little rubber balls heading down the varnished wood and the pinball machines exploding!
jelly apples, caramel apples, kohr's frozen custard,salt water taffy...the big old funhouse that used to be in asbury park with the revolving barrel...the swan boats...the gazebos where elders sat with their canes resting on the benches and their hosiery rolled to their knees, speaking yiddish...splinters on your toes from the boardwalk..(G-d forbid, if you stepped on a lit cigarette butt).miniature golf...little dolphin fountains.
nothing like the sound of the ocean, sandgrains mixed into your fragrant coppertone and sea breezes, from a bench on the boardwalk!
happy labor day weekend!

Posted by: jacqueline | Aug 31, 2007 2:30:44 PM

Neil, KTLN has it right. The currents are clockwise, so New Jersey's ocean water comes up from down near the Bahamas, while California's comes down from up near Alaska. Which is why you never ever see a California surfer without a wetsuit.

But hey, going in the water is way overrated.

The real difference between West Coast and east coast beaches is that with a very few exceptions (Maine, e.g.), even the few undeveloped east coast beaches have nothing to look at. No cliffs, no rocks, no mountains--nothing. What's the point?

Posted by: Tom Hilton | Aug 31, 2007 2:57:15 PM

Tom,

Not true of the beaches in Massachusetts, which tend to be part of the mainland and are rocky and curvy and rugged in many spots. I was very surprised to move further south and realize that most of the east coast beaches from the mid-Atlantic down were essentially barrier islands and are long and straight. It's a very different aesthetic experience.

I was very struck by the prevalence of wet suits in San Diego. Until I went in the water -- then they seemed to make total sense.

In my old age I say give me the Carribbean or South Beach.

Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Aug 31, 2007 3:05:23 PM

KTLN, a good deal of the New England coast is exceptions to my general rule. New Jersey, on the other hand...really nothing there.

Posted by: Tom Hilton | Aug 31, 2007 3:38:51 PM

The only California beaches I can think of that are like the NJ Boardwalk or Coney Island are:
- Venice. It has its share of cheap sunglasses and t-shirt shops, crappy bars, pretzel and sno-cone carts. It's also a funky (and expensive) boho artist district (like Silver Lake) with a lot of restaurants and nightclubs and whatnot.
- Santa Monica. Just the pier - it has skee-ball and bumper cars and rigged games to win stuffed animals. The rest of it is pure sand 'n surf.
- Santa Cruz. Boardwalk, amusement park, wooden roller coaster, arcades. It's far enough up the coast for the water to be too cold to do much of anything in without a wetsuit. I'm surprised Ezra forgot about it.

Everything else along the CA coast is pretty much about the beach. San Diego beaches are for walking along, catching rays, and splashing in the water. Malibu and Santa Monica (modulo the pier) are all about the sun and the water. It's a pretty clear difference between the Northeast and the West Coast.

Posted by: FMguru | Aug 31, 2007 4:15:13 PM

You can surf without in a wetsuit in San Diego for about three weeks in August.

Actually, every time I went to the beach this summer in SD there were tons of people (often including me) playing Bocce. I'm pretty sure this is new. Do East Coaster do this?

Posted by: Trevor | Aug 31, 2007 4:23:31 PM

I'd agree with the strong temptation to spend thousands of dollars playing Ski-Ball endlessly, at the beach of any other setting. However, the game Brooks describes is something else. I think that horse racing game scores points by rolling balls into a horizontal set of holes, not a round Ski-Ball sort of target. I forget what the horse race game is called, but a similar setup is called Fascination, as seen here:

http://flippers-fascination.com/

I think San Francisco's long-departed Playland At The Beach had a Fascination setup, as well as the horse game.

Posted by: Jacel | Aug 31, 2007 4:37:39 PM

Jacel,

The horsey race game is quite different from skee-ball -- a manly game of skill and grit -- versus a child's game of luck. Around here you can play both at Dave and Busters which has the great business model of taking arcade games, charging you an arm and a leg for them that you pay for with a pre-paid card (so you don't really know how much junior is costing you) and adding a bar to the insanely loud mix. Irresistible.

Posted by: Klein's Tiny Left Nut | Aug 31, 2007 5:08:45 PM

If you love skee-ball and have kids, you can go to chuckie-cheese.

Posted by: joeo | Aug 31, 2007 5:18:22 PM

During much of my college "career", I was an English female version of the Sean Penn character (Spicoli) in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and despite my school (UF) being located inland, I spent many happy hours on the beaches of the northeast coast. Most of my school friends were guys, which had to do with liking their music more and being willing to get up at four a.m. to drive out to St. Augustine and go surfing. Also, I made good PB&J's and could roll a mean one. The waves in Florida aren't a patch on those you get in California or, heaven forbid, Hawaii, but there are a couple of reasonably good wave-intensive inlets if you know where to go (one of them, so help me, was nicknamed "The Blow Hole"). I still have a three inch scar on my left ribcage, the souvenir of a spectacular wipeout (the board's skeg took out a chunk of flesh, but thankfully the combination of salt water and, er, painkilling herbs meant I made it home without too much complaining). Ah, memories, indeed. More like another lifetime.

Posted by: litbrit | Aug 31, 2007 6:39:42 PM

You go to the beach to...sit on the beach. Or possibly surf. That's the activity. The beach isn't cover for a whole lot of other activities that are generally considered gauche ...

ezra, you forgot one thing. people often go to the beach to watch half-dressed/half-naked/whatever people.

that's another reason why men wear sunglasses at the beach. you can scope out a sexy woman in a sexy swimming suit without her noticing your eyes and thinking that you're a creep and a pig.

or is that just me? hell, i live in landlocked indiana, so it could all be conjecture.

Posted by: harry near indy | Aug 31, 2007 8:07:07 PM

Harry, if David Brooks is scoping out women in bikinis, I'm doubly glad I wear surfer baggies over mine. *cringe*

Posted by: litbrit | Aug 31, 2007 9:10:47 PM

litbrit,

Do your kids know that they have a cool surfer mom?

One of the great joys of growing up on the ocean was that it was cheap entertainment. I was a working class kid and we really coldn't afford big vacations. I remember being a little kid and my Dad would take a couple of weeks off in August every year and we would just go the local beach every day. When you are young, the water in Masschusetts in August is warm enough to actually enjoy. I distinctly remember being 15, the last summer that I didn't have a job and going to the beach virtually every day it didn't rain. Cheap joy.

Posted by: klein's tiny left nut | Aug 31, 2007 10:07:51 PM

KTLN, my kids think I'm the most uncool thing that ever walked the earth. The fifteen-year-old acts like I have leprosy when I drop him off at (or pick him up from) his school. When he wants to get under my skin, he tells me I should just get fat and buy a minivan already.

Kids suck sometimes. In cooler-headed moments, though, I remind him that I'm all too aware that this is part of the differentiation process, and that he should look that up, and that while he's at it, why not Google search some Playboy centerfolds published prior to the last twenty years since the hairless, pneumatic girls they're using these days bear almost no resemblance to actual warm-blooded women, and further, if he wants his bloody iBook repaired, he'd better be nice to me and oh yeah, unpack the dishwasher.

If that doesn't work, I start singing opera until he begs me to stop.

Sons Two and Three are a bit easier, but they can be pretty contemptuous, too. Most days, I hate my job.

Posted by: litbrit | Aug 31, 2007 10:36:36 PM

And yes, the beach is free--hooray for that! At least, what's left of it is. There are condos and hotels eating up so much coastline in Florida, it's difficult to visit some of the old haunts. Fort DeSoto in St. Pete is still gorgeous, though, and owned by the State, so no development, lots of unspoiled native trees and brush, and long stretches of white sand. Here's hoping it stays that way for many generations.

Posted by: litbrit | Aug 31, 2007 10:42:02 PM

Litbrit,

I understand the phenomenon. The 14 year old is not too impressed with my coolness bona fides. But he's wrong -- he'll see. Wait until he's 47 and has ungrateful hellspawn.

Posted by: klein's tiny left nut | Aug 31, 2007 10:43:42 PM

litbrit...

can you still find seashells on the beaches in florida?
or bits of coral?

Posted by: jacqueline | Aug 31, 2007 10:47:44 PM

jacqueline, it depends on the beach, but yes, there are some (usually broken) shells on Pass-a-Grille beach (southern Saint Petersburg), for example, and if you go further south, to Sanibel's beaches (a couple of hours further down the west coast), there are wonderful shells to be had. Coral is a rarer find these days.

I always loved sea glass--it was like finding emeralds! One of these days I'll have to turn some of the better bits into a necklace. The project pile rivals Vesuvius these days.

There's not too much surfing to be had on this coast, sadly, not unless there is a hurricane hovering in the Gulf (then, lookout! All the fearless crazies hit the water with their boards and kiteboards). But breathing the salt air and hearing the white noise of the sea is a wonderful experience all the same. For Robert and me. For the boys, it's the sandcastle-building and skimboarding.

Posted by: litbrit | Aug 31, 2007 11:38:36 PM

envisioning litbrit's family outing at the beach...
with three extremely lively sons,
much paraphernalia,
infinite supply of snacks and beverages,
many wet feet on the blanket creating sandstorms
in the vicinity of litbrit's head.
day in metallic glare of sun
and logistics of unpacking
of children, wet towels and stuff and gear
equals dehydration of litbrit
and visul prelude to a migraine.
litbrit does not get back to the blog til wednesday.

Posted by: jacqueline | Sep 1, 2007 12:39:41 AM

jacqueline, you are a poetic soothsayer! Because you've accurately described a beach trip with these guys. I think we'll hold out until fall, when the first wisp of fresh, somewhat-cooler air from the north makes its welcome presence known. We avoid the beach when it's this oppressively hot, generally. It would indeed rapidly dehydrate me, and the boys, too. It's funny--all the stores are filled with beach gear in the summer, but few Floridians go to the beach until fall and winter. It can be deadly.

I was thinking how faint my various scars are, now that I'm too busy to go surfing (it has been two decades) and when we do manage a beach outing, I coat myself in sunscreen. I used to be able to point to (and brag about) the big blotch under my elbow, the result of being thrown from my horse for the fiftieth time; or the neat, slightly puffy little circle on my bicep that proved to the world I'd had my smallpox vaccination. Now, only the surfing-related one on my ribs remains fairly unfaded. I am a ghost of my former self, that's for sure.

Posted by: litbrit | Sep 1, 2007 7:26:17 AM

Oh, and frozen custard! Mmmmmm...You mentioned that upthread, and it brought back memories of a place in Miami. You can't find frozen custard any more, certainly not in these parts. Ah, all the best evil treats seem to be disappearing, yet people are unhealthier and more obese than ever.

I blame Diet Coke, nonfat frozen yogurt, and those heinous low-fat avocados. I miss real Florida avocados (they're big, green, and plump, not small and dark); they are so nutty and rich and creamy. You can eat a half of one with some salt and pepper and call that lunch, it's so satisfying. They never made me gain weight. These damnable low fat ones are watery and tasteless. Grrrrr.

Posted by: litbrit | Sep 1, 2007 7:37:35 AM

litbrit...

you are a national treasure!!

Posted by: jacqueline | Sep 1, 2007 12:11:54 PM

I spend every weekend at the jersey shore, and I've visited relatives in California beach towns many times. Why would anyone ever prefer the California beaches.

1. In SD, the water is cold, even in August. In NJ, the ocean is bathtub warm by August, and comfortable for swimming from July 4 to late September. The rest of California has ridiculously cold water that you won't find south of Newfoundland in the summer (although ME, which is cut off from the Gulf Stream by Cape Cod, has much colder water than Nova Scotia or PEI).

There are always more people in the water in NJ than on any California beach I've ever visited.

2. The Jersey Shore has the reputation for being seedy, but its the California coast that is truly seedy. Most of the SD beach towns seem to be populated with semi-employed dirt bags hanging around to stare at 16 year olds in bikinis. The blacktop walkways, lined with bars, that sprout across every town from SD to Santa Monica have all the seediness of the jersey boardwalks, but with none of the cherished campiness. The only thing in California's favor is those blacktops serve bikers/runners/bladers better, but they are often too crowded for those activities.

3. Most places on the jersey shore have a small town feel. In Stone Harbor NJ, where I spend the summer, people don't even lock up the bikes that they park at the head of the dunes before heading for the beach (there is no boardwalk). There's more to the shore than AC, Wildwood and Seaside Heights (as much as I love a night of riding rollercoasters and playing cheesy boardwalk games at WW)

4. The California lifeguard methods -- huge metal towers/jeeps with blaring megaphones/jet skis -- are so jarringly ugly compared to the stately white beach chairs, lifeguard whistles and white wooden rowboats used in NJ.

Posted by: pj | Sep 1, 2007 12:37:23 PM

"why would anyone ever prefer the california beaches"

i have many cherished memories of the beaches and boardwalks on the east coast, particularly new jersey boardwalks, the dunes of long island and cape cod and the tropical cloud/seascape of florida...
and also have experienced exquisite sunsets on the beaches and coves of california.
...the sunset over the palms in corona del mar, the coves and arches along the coastal area there are equally extraordinary...laguna beach also has its charms.
.....there is beauty everywhere.
every place is special...one just has to be open to appreciate.
the trick in life is not to compare.
appreciate the singularity of all things.

Posted by: jacqueline | Sep 1, 2007 1:20:33 PM

I feel so depressed that I'm more the mountain type. I certainly miss the sleaze and the incredible flatness of most beaches, but I guess I'll make do as best I can.

OTOH, this one (near the L.A. line) is OK if you start from the beach, go into the hills, and then you're able to cool off at the beach on the return: youtube.com/watch?v=SKWyo2q5P-Q Much better than starting from the valley side.

There's also this:

ebanzai.com/view_gallery.jsp?gid=466

There are also cliffs in the PalosVerde area where there have even been fatalities from people falling off.

Posted by: TLB | Sep 1, 2007 4:03:51 PM

TLB

yikes!

Posted by: jacqueline | Sep 1, 2007 4:46:38 PM

Not to indulge in comparisons, because I agree that there is beauty to be found everywhere (and if not, then you simply have to make some), BUT I can choose a favorite beach or two, easily. I was fortunate to spend my elementary school years in Barbados, where there are plenty of non-flat beaches on the Atlantic coast, away from the lovely but very postcard-typical touristy beaches of the West (Caribbean) coast. The beaches on that island set the bar pretty high, I'm afraid. Anyway, we locals hung out at East coast places like Bathsheba (great surf!) and North Point. The first pic on this page is of Bathsheba and the presciently-named Three Boys' Rocks--last time I was there, in 1995, we had but one son--and the third pic is of North Point; as you can see, total drama. Magazines and photographers love it. For more normal beachgoing stuff (people-watching, swimming, drinking rum and getting cornrows put in your hair, for example), white coral sand and glassy, blue water awaits on the opposite coast, sometimes called the St. James coast. That's also where you'll find the very fancy hotels that Mick Jagger and various royals frequent.

Okay, Barbados, I've just given you a nice chunk of free Chamber of Commerce copy; I shall expect to hear from you about an all-expenses paid week at the Atlantic Hotel in Bathsheba, nanny services included please.

Posted by: litbrit | Sep 1, 2007 10:21:45 PM

litbrit...

it does look beautiful!
three boy's rock makes me laugh!
.... before there was any development, i once was lucky enough to go to bermuda.
(many of my most detailed, childhood remembrances are from half-a-century ago...no wonder i like reading marcel proust! remembrance of things past!)

...we went to a beach where the sand was like powder,and was truly the color of rose quartz. the water was aqua and warm, shimmeringly transparent, the sand was pink as roses...
it was like paradise.
i have no idea if it still exists.

Posted by: jacqueline | Sep 1, 2007 11:16:18 PM

A day at a LA Beach is mainly about finding a place to park and a place to lay out in order to tan. The Pacific itself is chilly and brown.

Posted by: SFVKyle | Sep 3, 2007 9:36:29 PM

托盘
 托盘
 钢托盘
 钢制托盘
 塑料托盘
 木托盘
 木制托盘
 纸托盘
 木塑托盘