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September 02, 2005

Is This Impeachable?

Via Jeff Dubner, what the FUCK is wrong with our President?

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. (Laughter.)

Dubner compares it to Dukakis's bloodless abdication of vengeance against the hypothetical guy who raped and murdered his wife. But it's worse than that. It's like Churchill comforting bombed out Britons with the prospect of all the fine curry joints that'll soon open where their homes used to stand.

So you know what? If he can take this lightly, we can play a little game. Using Bush's above quote as inspiration and stylistic template, jump in the time machine and put Bush on the podium after other great disasters and calamities. What does he think about the plague? The sacking of the Temple? The burning of Rome? The defeat of the French? Remember -- all entries have to have Bush coming from the perspective of the afflicted, and all have to be as grossly inappropriate as this one. The best ones will go up on the main page later today.

September 2, 2005 | Permalink

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Comments

All of the citizens of New York will have a glorious new Starbucks. Did I mention I love my cappuccinno?

Posted by: Dan McMahon | Sep 2, 2005 2:34:52 PM

The good news -- and this is hard for some to see after the Hindenburg - is that the blimps of tomorrow will be even more spectacular. They will be twice as big and travel twice as far and be filled with methane. I'm looking forward to producing some of that methane myself.

Posted by: Ugh | Sep 2, 2005 2:40:41 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Chicago, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Mrs. O'Leary's barn -- she's lost her entire barn -- there's going to be a fantastic barn. And I'm looking forward to setting the lantern down by her cow. (Laughter.)

Posted by: Joseph | Sep 2, 2005 2:49:43 PM

He's speaking to those who have the money and the insurance to rebuild. The Court of George II cannot even conceptualize what it is like to be poor and have no insurance. Does he think those poor people piled up in that convention center are thinking of rebuilding? They are thinking of SURVIVING!

Folks should also contrast what Bush said to what photojournalist Tony Zumbado said on NBC. His description of the scenes inside the convention center were heartbreaking and terrifying. Doghouse Riley covers it, and I've got the transcript.

Posted by: Pepper | Sep 2, 2005 3:03:33 PM

The good news is -- could someone stop that guy coughing in the back? Thanks. The good news is that we have contained the plague. A lot of good people, hard workin' people, have put their effort into separating out the victims and giving them the best care available so that the rest of us, of you, really, can get on with rebuilding our lives. And the really great news is that those houses, the infected houses and and such, that we're burning down because they harbor infection, those houses and businesses are going to be replaced by some hedges and in no time at all the Church will have some sheep out there grazing and it will be really pastoral, really beautiful. People will come from miles around to gaze at the sheep and think about all the people who used to live in this village, so you'll all be remembered. Now just head on down the road a bit towards London. I hear things are okay over there and we'll make sure you have what you need -- what's that? -- Okay, sorry, I guess...I guess they're sayin' we'll make sure you know the way.

Posted by: Reba | Sep 2, 2005 3:05:34 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic master site plan, better than it was before. Out of the rubbles of Larry Silverstein's property -- he's lost his entire office complex -- there's going to be a fantastic new tower. And I'm looking forward to breakfast at Windows on the World.

Posted by: Tom Bozzo | Sep 2, 2005 3:06:58 PM

To the citizens of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, I say, look at the good news. Not only have you been liberated from an oppressive empire, but soon you'll have giant radioactive monsters to aid in the reconstruction efforts.

Posted by: Greg | Sep 2, 2005 3:09:56 PM

"I think that he people of the Warsaw Ghetto, I know it's hard to see it now, but out of this will come a better Warsaw. Stalin, he had an apartment here, it's been gassed, he lost it. But he'll build a nicer apartment building, and I'm looking forward to sitting onthe balcony and looking out where all of you used to be."

Posted by: DrFrankLives | Sep 2, 2005 3:16:32 PM

If there is any society in the world where people laugh over just-filled graves, I'm not aware of it.

English seemingly doesn't have a word to describe this behavior. Rude, uncaring, insensitive, out-of-touch, etc. are not harsh enough to do the job of describing Bush's behavior.

I'm torn in my mind between believing that Bush is propped up on drugs to keep him stable - with these sick side effects - or he is just the pathological personality that some suspect based on his lifelong behavior. Either way, this guy is dangerous to our country.

This can't be a man within the normal range of acts and words that any public figure is expected to far within. Maybe 'pathological' does do the job but it seems too tame a word.

He is SICK!

Posted by: JimPortlandOR | Sep 2, 2005 3:17:09 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this crucifixtion there's going to come a fantastic new savior, like he was before. Out of the rubble of Jesus's old body -- he's lost a lot of weight -- there's going to be a fantastic new Lord to lead us all into the Promised Land. And I'm looking forward to His helping me quit drinking so I can get there.

Posted by: mmy | Sep 2, 2005 3:26:01 PM

"The good news is - and it is hard for Yoko to see this now - is that we are gonna see a fantastic new Beatles just like they used to be. Out of this tragedy and senseless murder we'll see them rebuild. Maybe they can get Eddie Rabbit, or that funny praying mantis lookin' fella, who's he from? Yeah! The Cars! Love them Cars. Anyway, before you know it I'll be gettin' high as hell to a whole brand new White Album just like I was back in the old days."

Posted by: sprocket | Sep 2, 2005 3:38:56 PM

The good new is that Louisiana is going to be much less Democratic in 2006, especially if we can keep the busses from coming back.

These guys in charge of the reconstruction money? Lott's house will be rebuilt with your tax dollars ate twice market costs, and the New Orleans refugees will transported away, unless they want to retrain as house servants.

Posted by: bob mcmanus | Sep 2, 2005 3:53:31 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this misguided war is going to come a new Iraq, like it was before, only with Sharia. Out of the rubble of this Iraqi neighborhood -- this whole neighborhood was destroyed -- there's going to be a fantastic American military base. And I'm looking forward to bringing democracy to other nations from that base. (Laughter.)

Oh wait...

Posted by: Scott Shields | Sep 2, 2005 3:55:21 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of Black Thursday is going to come a terrific bull market. I don't think anybody anticipated the panic of the markets, but we're beginning to move in the help that people need.

Out of the rubble of those brokerages -- who have lost ten traders -- there's going to be a fantastic new speculative boom.

Eleven! Eleven. Did you see that? I'm looking forward to buying the oil futures of that guy who just jumped past us.

Posted by: Baxil | Sep 2, 2005 3:55:23 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Cambodia, like it was before.The little Lon here - his entire family was chopped up by the Khmer Rouge - he's gonna get a wonderful new family and kids.And I look forward to giving them a tax cut (laughter).

Posted by: Jussi Hämäläinen | Sep 2, 2005 4:06:21 PM

"The good news about our 'Shock & Awe' campaign -- and this may be hard for dead Iraqis to appreciate this right now -- is that Iraq will be rebuilt into a magical and wonderful democracy, free from the bloodshed of its past, and Americans will be greeted as liberators".

Okay, I realize I went off the template a little bit, but I couldn't resist.

Posted by: Kman | Sep 2, 2005 4:13:31 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come some fantastic ruins. Out of the rubbles of the Roman empire -- they've lost their entire civilization -- there's going to be some fantastic museums. And I'm looking forward to visiting them.

Posted by: eb | Sep 2, 2005 4:17:44 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic new family, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of John Ramsey's life -- he's lost his entire daughter -- there's going to be a fantastic new family. Although I hope there's a little less clothesline and spunk next time. (Laughter.)

Ugh. I hardly believe I wrote that. I have to wash my brain out now.

Posted by: alex | Sep 2, 2005 4:21:08 PM

"I know this is hard to imagine now, but it is only a matter of time before we build a tower tall enough to reach God. And when we do, I look forward to meeting him and basking in His eternal light. But I gotta say, we're gonna need a few interpreters before we get started this time. Anyone know Sephardic? What about Hittite?"

Posted by: diddy | Sep 2, 2005 4:31:13 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Pompeii, like it was before. Out of the ashes of burned out bodies -- and those people have lost all their mass -- there's going to be fantastic bodies. And I'm looking forward to making some plaster sculptures of bodies (Laughter.)

Posted by: sc | Sep 2, 2005 4:34:02 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Imperial Russia, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Czar Nicholas’s family -- he's lost his entire family -- there's going to be a fantastic family. And I'm looking forward to playing rugby with the new Alexei. (Laughter.)

Posted by: Sauce | Sep 2, 2005 4:58:53 PM

The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this late 1990's peace and prosperity is going to come a fantastic Republican party, like it was before. Out of the ashes of blind irrational Clinton hatred -- and my god, we can't stand Bill Clinton or anything associated with him, whether it's balanced budgets or bipedalism -- there's going to be a fantastically fucked up new America. And I'm looking forward to sitting in the White House and laughing at... fuck, whoever I want to laugh at, because I'm the president, and you're not. (Laughter.)

Posted by: Chris | Sep 2, 2005 5:08:01 PM

"Let them eat cake."

Posted by: Scooter | Sep 2, 2005 5:18:34 PM

GWB, 1912: "The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic movie someday. Out of the shipwreck in the North Atlantic -- and we've lost the entire boat -- there's going to be a fantastic Hollywood spectacle. And I'm looking forward to sitting down with a big bowl of popcorn and watching 'Titanic.'"

Posted by: JJF | Sep 2, 2005 5:19:49 PM

It appears that no one wishes to discuss if this is impeachable or not. Wasn't that the question? This now resembles a Junior-High school 'Slam book" and little else.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

Posted by: Fred Jones | Sep 2, 2005 5:25:27 PM

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